Glorfindel's Diary
by Kementari
Summary: Inspired by all the other diaries. Dumb humor, some Legolas, and lots of hair and smelly men references. O.o;


I don't own anything. Nor do I write that well. If I did, I wouldn't post this because obviously, it is out-of-character with a few ridiculously egotistical jokes thrown in. I just think Glorfindel is one of the best Elves in Tolkien's world, along with Legolas and Beleg and Tinuviel. This was just inspired by the several diaries and such, and then a friend of mind prompted me to post it. So there. 

Glorfindel's Diary

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Elrond asked me to go out in the forest and find his foster son. The last time I saw Elessar was several decades ago. I'm sure he looks far different now. Asfaloth and I departed from Rivendell and into the wilderness. I should have brought some shampoo and conditioner.   


*****

  
Four Nazgul found me and tried to attack. Pity for them that they've never seen an Elf lord angry. Or maybe it was my frizzed hair. I must find shampoo. Asfaloth has found a stable road so we are making good time. 

******

  
I found a track of beaten down grass and tracks created by boots. Men may not want to admit it, but they are as easy to track as oliphaunts. Mortals are incredibly inconvenient. Still no shampoo, though it looks much better today than yesterday. By tomorrow I should catch up with them.  


******

  
As usual, the mortals get themselves in trouble. I found Aragorn (how he has aged in fifty years!) with a group of halflings and a pony. The one named Frodo has been stabbed by a Morgul blade. I wonder what a shadow-halfling would look like...  


******

  
It has come to my immediate attention that Aragorn has not bathed in several weeks. He is very dirty, and smells horrendous.  
I must fix this situation.   
Frodo shows considerable strength, for many men have given in after two or three days of being pierced by the Morgul blade. Perhaps Mithrandir has found some wisdom in recruiting these hobbits.  
Life would be easier with a spring and some shampoo.  


******

Some say it is not possible, but Aragorn's.. stench has worsened. How can men stand this! Elves cannot go an hour without looking, and smelling, their best. I whispered to him in secret that his smell alone could be detected by a Nazgul as far as the sea, yet he does not take my advice. He says it is normal for a ranger, who lives lives in the wild, to smell as such.  
Impossible. This must be dealt with immediately. Asfaloth is even slightly annoyed.  
In other news, I believe the halfling..Pippin, has stolen my batch of lembas.  


******

I was right. I found my satchel empty. Pippin and Merry both gave me innocent looks. I wonder if I should show them the true fury of an Elf lord.  
No. I shall have to wait to do such, for we are approaching Rivendell. Frodo is fading. We shall be at the Ford by tomorrow.  
Elrond should feel shame for allowing his foster son to develop such awful hygiene habits.  


******

The Nazgul were there to greet us. Asfaloth took Frodo across the Ford, where he made a glorious stand against them, before he collapsed. I, being the wise and responsible one, kindled fire and chased the Nazgul into the water. Elrond must have been in an especially dark mood, for the flood was higher than I had ever seen.  
After it had calmed, I pushed Aragorn into the water. He sputtered and cursed me. I felt better however. I have returned to Rivendell. More men are here.  
Let us all hope they remember to bathe each night.  


******

Legolas, son of Thranduil is also here. I have not seen him since he was young, only 500 or so. He was certainly adept at terrorizing Elrond's daughter Arwen, for he managed to find a few small lizards and slipped them into her bed.   
I've noticed he is quite jumpy now. His head is constantly going from side to side, and he jumps whenever an Elf talks to him. When I asked why, he explained a dark, evil, unknown force had been plaguing him ever since he set foot into Imraldris. I offered him some wine, which managed to calm him slightly. I am afraid I drank a bit too much however; and we shall not get into what transpired afterwards.  
Needless to say, it was an interesting night. Valar help me if Legolas breaks his silence.   


******

Today has been relatively better, save that Legolas is even more on edge. Mithrandir has attended solely to the halfling Frodo, so I have had not the chance to talk to him.  
Horror: I have a grey hair! A grey hair! This will not do, for I am known throughout Middle Earth for my beautiful golden mane! I am an Elf, I do not get grey hairs!  
Does Galadriel have some as well I wonder. She may say what she likes, but I know she spends a full hour each day before her mirror.   
Legolas is holding last night over my head like an axe, while he is not acting as if a beast is after him. Thrice today he has nearly fainted from the voice of a maiden. I wonder if Thranduil is pressing him to marry? Or perhaps it is something far more sinister that ails him...  


******

Good news! The grey hair was not mine! Mithrandir has been shedding all over the place, and I am certain that is where the hair came from.  
Curse him for causing me strife!  
Elrond has held his Council. Legolas was white-faced throughout the whole thing and forgot to mention Gollum's escape. (We all had received word of it beforehand, so it was not a great loss.) He continued muttering nine to himself as he glanced around. I do not see what ailed him so, for there were no maidens in sight save Arwen. "They are coming for me," he repeats with the gravest of voice. "I would rather be slain by a Balrog than be seen by them!"  
This thing he talks about must be incredibly horrid. Balrogs are most unpleasant things to be slain by.  


******

Elrond has decided Nine Walkers shall go to face against the Nine Nazgul. He considered allowing me to go, however he decided against it as to allow Merry and Pippin instead. This caused me to be somewhat upset, for I was looking forward to a trip to danger and death. Rivendell is a wonderful place, but I need vacations every 800 years or so.  
Elrond talked to me after the last meeting and reassured me I was better off here. I am the only Elf who is able to play games decently, and I would run out of shampoo. This is a most upsetting part.  
Besides, Elrond warned me that if I did venture on this quest, I would certainly share Legolas' doom. Most unpleasant thought.  
I still cannot believe he decided two men should go upon the journey. I certainly hope they have enough soap and shampoo.  


******

**

FIN

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End file.
